7 Kids, 1 cat, Mom, and Dad

Where am I or I need a break!

I got back late last night from New York and had to be in Portland, Maine this morning for a series of meetings that lasted all day. Tomorrow is another long day at meetings too. I'll be glad when I finally get a day in the office!

Follow up to Shepherds's Pie or Dinner last night.

I ate at Lindy's Diner last night. Diner = cheap, right? Wrong! It was about $50, with tip, to have a bowl of soup, an egg cream shake, fish & chips, and a slice of cheesecake. But, it is in downtown Manhattan so what can you expect.

The other night, when I ate at Connoly's, I was sitting at the bar when a pregnant woman walked in. She knew the bartender and started to chat about when her baby is due, two days before my birthdate. I joined in the conversation and we talked about kids, pregnancy, birth...ya know, stuff that all guys know about after having experienced the birth of four kids.

When it was time for her to leave with the soup she ordered she handed the bartender her American Express and he mentioned something about not being able to take it for so small an amount. I told him to put it on my tab and told her congratulations and good luck on the birth of her first child. She shook my hand and left with tears in her eyes.

I ate my dinner, watching the TV and people as they walked by the window. The bar started to fill up and I noticed that two guys wanted to sit down but the only open seats were one each on both sides of me. I asked them if they wanted to sit at the bar and I'd be happy to move so they could sit together.

They thanked me and when I ordered my next Guinness they told the bartender to put it on their tab. When the bartender handed me my bill he said, "One good turn deserves another! You got her soup and they picked up your Guinness."

It made my night.

Just in case you want directions or Felt like posting again

Another night in NYC or What to do...

I had my trip extended by another night yesterday afternoon. The down side is that most people plan their lives out a little further in advance than that so I was on my own again. But, not that I really mind...

I needed some clothes so I decided to shop at Macy's...THE Macy's, and it was awesome! I was staying at a Sheraton located on 7th and 51st and decided to walk. My walk took me through Times Square and the outskirts of Broadway. I got to Macy's and saw the Empire State Building all lit up in Christmas colors.

Some of this is bittersweet. Mary and I planned a trip to NYC around this time last year but had to cancel because of her health. As I looked at the hustle, bustle, and Christmas decorations I thought of her and how much she would have loved being there with me.

I started off my walk buying a bag of honey roasted peanuts from a street vendor and munched as I walked. Everyone seemed in such a hurry and if you made eye contact with anyone and smiled they would flinch. Oh well, it didn't stop me from smiling. :)

On my way back I noticed some smiling people in front of an entrance and their coats had the Charmin name and logo. The guy handed me a brochure and then told me that these were the cleanest bathrooms in NYC.

He was right...I think the bathroom I used was cleaner than the one in my hotel room. After each person came out one of them would go in to clean the entire thing before letting in the next person...and it was FREE!

Short but sweet or Gotta lot to do today.

I'm heading back home after I'm done with working in NY today. I had a great dinner last night at Connoly's on 47th Street between Madison and 5th Avenue. I had Guinness and shepherd's pie for dinner!

New York, New York or Having fun while on business.

I'm in NY for the next two days. I had dinner in the Upper West Side, Fred's Restaurant, and it was awesome. I'm staying in the Roosevelt Hotel, and it is right in the middle of Manhattan. I've been on the subway, eaten at a lunch counter for breakfast, and watched a lot of people while I did.

Good with the bad or Cup half full.

It is freezing cold each morning as Fall wanes and Winter gets ready to take the stage. But! I have heated leather seats and a heated steering wheel in my car.

Looked like a cat or Fattened up for sure.

I was sitting here trying to think of what I wanted to write when it suddenly appeared to me, galloping as it were, across my lawn!

I thought it was a neighborhood cat or one of those yippy little dogs. Nope! It was a squirrel and if Santa hitched eight of them to his sleigh, and sprinkled pixie dust on them, and took a really light load, it would probably...move.

But, seriously, that was one big squirrel! I'm pretty sure that would be the size of a general so it is now time to strengthen the defenses and keep my eyes peeled for a squirrel army!

Heard in passing or Youngest Daugher strikes again.

I went to dinner at Rosa's tonight and was joined by Middle and Youngest Daughters. We decided to walk to Popovers for dessert and as we walked up State Street I noticed lights on in the synagogue and asked the girls, "Hey! Who wants to go to temple?"

Youngest Daughter: Wait, is that a dessert place?

Me and Middle Daughter laughing uncontrollably on the sidewalk...between guffaws explaining that it is like a church....

Youngest Daughter: Oh! Is that the place the Viet-naaams go to?

More laughing, explanation that it is where Jewish people worship.

Eat great desserts and tea at Popovers and head back.

Walk past temple again...

Youngest Daughter: Oh! Wait! I know that symbol...isn't that the Nazis?!!?

Immediate shushing as we hustle her down the sidewalk. Short history lesson (what the HELL are they being taught in school) that the Nazis persecuted the Jews during WWII and put them in concentration camps.

Youngest Daughter: Well, what did the Americans do?

Further history lesson...references to Band of Brothers...

Youngest Daughter: Oh...I get it now.

I'm just glad a posse of Jews didn't decide to school us instead. *sheesh*

Once upon a time...

There was a decent guy that met a nice girl he didn't deserve, but he tried hard to win her anyway. Decent guy changed for the better just because he spent time with the nice girl and he won her heart.

Decent guy and nice girl decided to get married. "Too soon!" some cried or "I want her more!" said others but decent guy and nice girl had a love that was true and they weren't swayed.

Decent guy and nice girl spent many years together in married bliss. They became parents to a one decent guy and three nice girls. Sometimes they wondered if they still loved each other because everyone knows how hard it is to feel love when not getting enough sleep, changing diapers, and not getting to spend much time with each other.

But decent guy and nice girl stuck with it and each other because even though they didn't feel love all the time they knew that it was there waiting to be rekindled when they finally had time for each other again.

Nice girl made their house into a home. She did all the small things that made any holiday or event special. She fretted because she didn't make lots of money like decent guy but he always assured her that her contribution had far greater worth.

See...decent guy had continued to change and become a better man because of her.

Their children grew and suddenly decent guy and nice girl had time with each other and they rediscovered their LOVE! Their hearts swelled with gratitude that they were so lucky to have this second chance.

Then, one day cancer visited their home. Death was there too but nice girl managed to put it off for a while. Long enough to have another year of holidays and birthdays, and to fill their lives with her special brand of love.

Death wouldn't be denied.

Decent guy now tries to be nice guy. He knows that the greatest demonstration of his love is living and doing the things that the nice girl would have done. He cries, mostly when he's in his car alone, and when he feels like he can't go on he thinks of the nice girl's courage, and her beautiful smile. Sometimes memories of that smile make him cry more but mostly it helps him continue with being a nice guy.

Turkey, mmmm or How long 'til we eat?

I am following Martha's recipe for roasted turkey.

The house smells good, the parade's on the tv, and I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

The day before or House full of hormones.

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Today, however, is pie making day and the Princesses are having friends over to join them in the pie making festivities. Funny how there's going to be a boy for ever girl...

Did some shopping or Building up my home bar.

I often have a cocktail when out to eat, or try one at Good Friend's house, and don't have the stuff at home that I need to recreate it.

I got the Bar-tending for Dummies book and am building out my liquor cabinet to have the things needed on hand to attempt some of these drinks.

There's an even chance that I'll end up taking it all to Good Friend's house after the holidays but you never know.

Sing a song or Music saves your mortal soul.

I miss Mary a lot.

Music tends to break down my emotional barriers and helps me get some of that grief that's bottled up inside out of me. But, sometimes, I really don't feel like grieving.

I'm just not one of those people...ya know, public grievers. I don't cry, wail, scream, yell, or do much of anything in public that shows how this grief is affecting me.

It is private. I would no more run out of the house and yell to the neighborhood that Mary and I just had great sex than yell out my grief that she's gone. I do share my feelings of loss with my kids, but even then I don't burden them with the care of whether daddy is losing it or not.

And I think that ultimately it sets me up for crap like some of the stuff I've seen and heard from family members. If I'm not publicly showing it then my grieving time must be up and so they don't have to be caring and sensitive to how I'm feeling.

Not only is sackcloth and ashes not my gig, but I know that Mary would be shaking her head and saying "Oh, Bob" if she saw me grieving that way.

I try and I try or Mr. Sensitive.

Last week my sister sent an 'update' to her immediate family in an email. She sent out a medical update because her new puppy was having a bad reaction after being neutered.

She wrote about IVs, subcutaneous injections, and all the different procedures that were part of his treatment.

Now, don't get me wrong...I like dogs and especially like puppies. I smile, pat them on the head, hold them, and even understand when they jump up on me with muddy paws.

However, I started sending email updates about all of Mary's medical appointments and procedures because I knew everyone wanted to know what was going on but I didn't have the heart to call them individually.

I think that it was incredibly insensitive for her to do that and after thinking about it for a few minutes I sent back an email and asked her to not send me those updates any more because they upset me.

I didn't tell her that she was awful, didn't get angry to accusatory, I just made it clear that it was me that had the problem and please don't include me any more.

Her reply was perfunctory, "sorry I was insensitive", and I figured that was the end of it.

I was talking to my mom today and when she asked how me and the girls were doing I mentioned that I had avoided support groups because I had heard horror stories about people being in there because they lost a pet or their sail boat (I kid you not) and I wasn't up for being surrounded by people that don't get it.

As an off-shoot I mentioned to her that I hoped my sister wasn't too upset or offended because I asked her to not send me the emails any more.

Her reply...

"Well, she's never going to have children so this is like her child."

Nothing about how hard it must have been for me, nothing about how insensitive it was of her, just that look and tone of voice saying that I'm being too sensitive and not only should I not have been upset, I should have been worrying about how she felt since her first child was sick.

I voiced my protest saying that "I started those updates for Mary because she had CANCER" but it was obvious that it was a battle I wouldn't win so I clammed up.

And that, my friends, is your key to knowing if I'm really upset or not. If you get me to the point that I stop talking...I'm REALLY upset.

I think she could tell, but making sure my sister (who's really more her friend than daughter) had support for her and her 'child' was more important than supporting her son that lost his wife.

I'll get over it eventually, but I'm pretty upset right now.

Winning ways or Fun night!

I played poker at my brother-in-law's house last night for his monthly tournament. We had 19 people play and I took first place. I left the tourney with $175 plus had a great time playing poker for five hours.

Little bit shocked or He's on a roll.

Good Friend has posted two days in a row! If I was feeling ambitious I'd scan his blog and see when the last time it was that particular event happened, but I'm not feeling THAT ambitious today.

It sounds like Good Friend and Lovely Wife are having a great time already and I hope that it, and the awesome posts, continues.

Sun is shining or Meteor Shower tonight!

I have a poker game to attend tonight. Even if I do well, it is usually done by midnight and will give me plenty of time to check out the Leonid Meteor Shower. It starts at around 11:45PM Eastern time and is best viewed by looking toward the East.

The doctor is in or Advice and spaghetti.

Middle Daughter had Best Friend over for dinner last night. I had whipped up the Rachael Ray spaghetti sauce recipe, boiled some noodles, and tossed some Texas Toast under the broiler for this gourmet repast.

Some good-natured teasing took place because one boy had recently declared his interest in MD's Best Friend. As is the way with girls, and high school romances in general I think, she's interested in his friend. He's probably interested in some other girl and she's interested in someone else...and so on. I'm sure you get, or remember, the picture.

All of a sudden, I realize that they're telling me exactly what is going on with all of the romances and asking me for advice.

I thought about telling them to forget about boys until they're 30 but realized if they didn't get advice from me they'd probably get it from some women's magazine anyway.

MD's BF likes a boy. I asked, "Does he know that you like him?"

They both started to giggle and told me that everyone has told him that she's interested.

"Yeah, but does HE know that you like him because YOU have shown an interest or flirted a bit with him?"

*time out for giggles, blushes, and the exchange of several glances between the girls*

"Well..." started MD's BF..."She doesn't, she doesn't!" interjected MD and then another time out for giggles, blushes, glances, etc.

"So start there. Next time you see him make sure he knows, by smiling and perhaps a light touch on his hand, that you're interested in him."

I left for Anthropology class after that but I'm sure I heard them talking about how smart, brilliant, and understanding I am...if you know how to interpret giggles.

Time for lunch or Not sure what I want to eat.

I think I may just open a can of Ravioli and have that for lunch. It is a dreary day here and I don't feel like going out.

I'm working on expense reports because that's the kind of fun that I like to have on a rainy day.

I have this feeling of dread building up inside of me because of the approaching holidays. I know I'll face two extremes...family members that think I should be "over" losing Mary by now (the suck it up crowd) or the ones that watch me like fragile china sure that I'm going to crack at the slightest provocation (the really want to see it happen crowd).

Alas, Alas or You had a shot, kid.

We had hosting problems so I missed posting yesterday!

On the bright side, Oldest Daughter finally sent me the pirate pictures she took of me at Halloween.

Pirate 1

Pirate 2

Alas, Alas or You had a shot, kid.

We had hosting problems so I missed posting yesterday!

On the bright side, Oldest Daughter finally sent me the pirate pictures she took of me at Halloween.

Pirate 1

Pirate 2

The Princess and the 3 Boys or You look red.

On our way back from college, by way of the LONG route, I finally decided that I was feeling a bit hungry and wanted to stop. I was in the mood for Fresh City and informed Middle Daughter that it was our destination.

She had started to call back her friends because she had some missed calls on her phone. I guess leaving it in her purse on vibrate will cause that to happen, eh? Anyway, she calls back one of the boys and he informs her that he and two other boys were going to see a movie but it was sold out and that they'd join us at Fresh City.

MD knew she was in trouble but didn't know how to get around it. The cast of characters (though MD was the only girl present) the boys: Tony, Sam, Trent...the girls: MD, Michelle, Sasa.

We sat down after getting us food and them only a smoothie because they weren't hungry. We made small talk until I decided the time was ripe...

"So which one of you likes Sasa, Michele, and Princess MD?" I made eye contact with Sam and he mumbled about not liking anyone and he was just there because they were. Trent mumbled something that sounded like Michelle and then I turned my eye to Tony.

He got red and said, "I'm going to say that I like MD, and Trent likes Michele, and I'm not sure who likes Sasa."

I said, "Oh, so you like Princess MD?" with a wolfish grin on my face.

He gamely said, "Yes, if you base it on who we sit next to when we watch movies."

LOL This was so much fun! Now I know why a cat plays with a mouse before devouring it!

I made mentioned of my black belt, the importance of my daughter's happiness, and he seemed to get the message.

MD went with them to see a movie when she got home she said, "Great! Now they like you even more and think you're funny and nice!!"

I could tell that she was happy with that and also had a nice night.

First thing or Gotta get this done.

I'm awake after finally falling asleep last night. You'd think I would have collapsed in bed after the long day but my mind kept racing.

I have a story to tell about Middle Daughter and three boys but it will have to keep until I've showered and had some coffee. :)

What's a few miles or We should go that way.

Middle Daughter and I are safely back from our trip to visit a school in northern NY. We drove up last night, stayed in a hotel, and visited the school today. I was the driver, Middle Daughter was the Navi-gate-TOR.

We ended up doing an extra 200 miles on the way home because we started out going southbound when it should have been north. Good thing I don't mind driving.

My celeb look-alikes or I've not heard of most of them.

Dawn the Webmiztris had this on her site and it seemed like a fun thing to try.

The first bloom or While I was away

The first bloom bloomed while I was away on the Christmas cactus given to us by Good Friend's Hot Sister.

Christmas Cactus Flower

Long day ahead or Better post now!

After today is done, I have a 300+ mile ride to get home. Fortunately, I have another person in the car in case I feel sleepy!

Heard in passing or She said what?

I was traveling with Asian Co-worker yesterday and we stopped to eat. Suddenly she started to cough and then said, "I choked when I tried to blow and swallow at the same time."

I looked at her, not really knowing what to say, and then she started to laugh and said, "Oh my God! I can't believe I just said that!"

I told her I was going to blog about it...because verbal missteps like that don't happen every day!

Rainy day or Hanging out in a conference room.

I'm at a customer training event that is 'sold out'. The problem is that because it is so full we can't join our customers in any of the sessions and instead spend our time working in a conference room until it is time for lunch.

At least I don't dig ditches for a living. ;)

He tried or Not an immediate convert.

I went out to dinner with Good Friend last night since his Lovely Wife is out of town on business. We ate at Radici, a dependably good restaurant with a great atmosphere and awesome food.

I had a couple of appetizers for dinner, one of them being their mussel special, done in a spicy red sauce with lots of tomato chunks. Good Friend doesn't like seafood but I finally talked him into trying one.

There was lots of grimacing, and a big gulp of water after...but he used to make that face when trying wine so there's hope!

Last chance gift reminder or Just when you don't want a reminder.

Just got a bit of spam from a flower company I've used in the past. I must have sent Mary flowers around this time and they sent me a reminder to not let this day go past without repeating my gift.

I still get mail from various organizations that Mary had involvement with but would rather get these little reminders of my loss rather than explaining to yet another person that she's dead.

Almost forgot or The day is long.

I got lots done today, and nothing.

I bought the latest novel in the Xanth series by Piers Anthony, "Stork Naked" and also got "Kite Runner" at the same time since I keep seeing the name pop up when I read other blogs.

I went over to You Who's house for a great meal with him and his Lovely Wife. Cocktails, cheese, braised ribs, wine, and leftover Halloween candy for a nicely rounded culinary evening. We also watch the movie I brought over with me, "Night at the Roxbury". It was a nice evening and was only marred by the absence of his Hot Sister.

You kind of suspect or Indisputable clarity.

I met with a young (everyone was 30-50) widow/widower support group last night for dinner. There were 12 people at the table with only two of us being men, and the other man was there with his sister and not really a widower. Me and 10 widows ended up being the final count.

Is this because more men lose their wives at a young age but then the women pull ahead in the later years? Is it because men aren't as likely to seek support?

I don't know the answers to either of these questions...what I do know is that if you're the only guy at a table with 10 women you never have to worry about having someone that wants to talk with you.

Lap, bed, floor or A kitty for all occasions.

Fizban has always been a daddy's girl, but from a distance. If I picked her up she'd lay in my arms, enjoying the belly rub, but was just as happy to get back down again. She used to jump up in my lap at night when I finally settled down to watch a little TV. Just for 5-10 minutes and then she was off doing cat stuff.

Now, she's on my lap, rubbing against my legs, sitting in front of or on my computer, and generally stays with me all day long. She jumps on my lap and I have to make her get off in order to stand up. The only place she doesn't follow me is into bed. She even follows me into the bathroom to watch me brush my teeth, shower, and shave.

Storm, who I rarely see during the day, sleeps at the foot of my bed every night. He gives an impatient meow when I climb the stairs and settles into the bed, purring contentedly, while I undress.

And Buddy? If I get up during the night he'll shadow me into the kitchen hoping for a small bowl of milk on the floor for him. Otherwise, he flees as if the hounds of hell were at his heels any time he sees me walking in his direction.

First fire or It was so clean.

I have a fireplace. We were so thrilled when we looked at this house and realized that it came with a working fireplace. We only made fires with real logs a couple of times but had boxes of the fake ones that we used frequently. Then, Mary got sick. She still wanted fires occasionally but last fall she couldn't stand the smell, no matter how slight, at all.

I had cleaned, scrubbed, and even used the shop vacuum on it to get it as clean as possible. "I can smell something, are you sure it is clean?" she'd say and I'd use the vacuum with the air filter to go through it once again.

I opened the glass doors and screen then reached in and opened the flue. I put the fake log on the andiron and when I struck the match to light it...I noticed how clean...spotless really, the fireplace was and a flood of memories overwhelmed me.

Nobody was home so I turned off all the lights, laid on the carpet in front of the fireplace, and remembered.

Wasn't sure or Ended up hooked!

I purchased the audiobook version of the book "Eragon" and have been listening to it over the last couple of weeks. At first I didn't like it because it took longer to listen to the book rather than just reading it. However, after a slow start, the characterizations done by Gerard Doyle captivated me. Each character had a distinct voice and he brought the story to life.

I can't wait for the movie to come out on December 15!

Dream world or She didn't say nuthin to me!

My sis-in-law calls the other night to tell me about a dream she had.

Mary came to her in the dream and mentioned that I don't make my bed every day. Ummm...that's true, some days I don't make my bed but Mary would be the last one to complain about that! LOL

Then, she asked me if I recently bought a bed. I told her yes and she said that Mary didn't like it and that it was too big. Ummm...it is smaller than the other bed. Youngest Daughter's spin on it is that there is room for another person in it so that makes it too big. LOL I'm pretty sure I mentioned the new bed to her husband at a poker game and that SIL must have heard it from him.

The other night I had dinner at at the Outlaw's and Mother-in-Law told me that Sis-in-Law didn't tell me that Mary also said that I leave the girls home alone too much.

Don't get me wrong...I'm thrilled when I have dreams about Mary. They are usually unsettling because no matter what is going on part of my brain is protesting that she's dead, but still it is great to have that fantasy connection. I even like it when others have dreams about her that are filled with smiles and love.

But why would you ever tell a man that is grieving for his wife, juggling work and a home, taking care of his children, and trying to find time for himself too that his wife appeared in someone else's dream and said that he was leaving the girls home alone too much?

One thing I know for sure is that Mary would never, in a million years, send messages like that to me through her family. If she appeared to me in a dream...maybe I'd take it to heart but from them...LOL So I say things like "Oh wow" and "You don't say" or my favorite "That's creepy!" and hope that is enough to shut them up.

PLUS, she's not the boss of me! :)

Wool brains or Still sleepy.

I went to bed fairly early last night but still had a hard time waking up this morning. I find that I'll get in a not-sleeping-well pattern but will finally have a night when I am asleep when my head hits the pillow. The unfortunate thing is that it usually coincides with the morning that the daughters have an argument or need to call me 30 minutes before I need to get up so that I can bring in something they forgot while arguing before school.

I'm awake, showered, dressed, and have two matching shoes on my feet so I better head into town and get a medium coffee with two shots of espresso and try to clear my head.

It is only 38 degrees outside! Winter is still 6 weeks away...but it doesn't feel like that outside!

Sinking feeling or Time marches on.

It is nearly eight months since Mary passed away. At first, I could tell you how many days it had been since she died (242) and how that translated into weeks (34 weeks, 4 days). It bugged me when my Mom said that Mary had been gone for a month on February 2 instead of the 5th.

Now I find myself thinking in approximate months as in it has been almost 8 months since she died.

I'm really kind if dreading the next couple of months...Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. Those were her holidays and she loved that whole time of the year so much. She'd be making her plans right about now for what she was going to get everyone and how early was too early for the day after Thanksgiving Day sales.

I was a happy participant in the whirlwind of activity...Get the tree, put it up and do the lights, decorate outside. Those were all tasks that I gladly did but the things done for people, the things that made memories and everyone feel loved, that was all Mary.

The girls are excited about doing the shopping so it is mostly going to be a matter of me doing the same things as before...and trying to make new memories filled with love. What I'd really like to do is go into hibernation and be woken up when it is my birthday.

Day 2 or Buckle my shoe!

So get this...I've been blacklisted from my own blog! Apparently, I type the wrong security code often enough that it put me in the possible spammer list. Thing is, I don't think I've ever typed it incorrectly but the blog doesn't believe me.

Oh well, I have two computers on my desk so I decided to be smarter than the blog server and try coming at it from a different IP.

It is a rainy day here in New Hampshire, but I'm making do with a cup of coffee, some blogs, and lots of work.

Note to self: Purchase power ball ticket and hope to become a gazillionaire.

Day one or Can I keep it up?

Will I be able to post something every day this month? My day was crazy but I still remembered to post!