6 Kids, 3 cats, 1 dog, Mom, and Dad

Life on my back or On a clear day.

I went outside after eating the tray of sushi that I bought for lunch and rested on my hammock.

The sky is bright blue with only a few fair weather clouds whisking by overhead. There's a slight breeze to offset the warmth of the sun and keep the bugs away. It is a perfect day to stop, take stock, and think about what I want to do next with my life.

I could get used to that...

About the same or Math 101

I was at the mall last night and when into EMS to buy some Teva flip-flops. There was a sign on the rack that said buy one pair, get the other for 50% off.

The store also had a sale where you got 20% off for the first item you bought, 15% for the second, and 10% for the third.

I go to the register to buy my two pairs of sandals and after they ring it up I hand them my credit card as the girl says, "Oh! It did 20% and 15%, but it is almost the same."

I asked her the total she told me $36.30. The sandals were $22 a pair so the second pair should have been $11 for a total of $33...not 'almost the same' in my book.

I pointed this out and they had to do a refund for $3.30 and she acted like *I* was being unreasonable and what business did I have getting all mathy in a sporting goods store.

If she had stopped for two seconds when I started to voice my concern instead of swiping my credit card she would have saved both of us some time.

Mathy...I must be watching too many Buffy reruns. ;)

Things I think about...

During Mary's first week at home, after finding out that her condition was terminal, we almost acted like things were going to be ok, even though we knew that they were not. My son's room-mate has a friend that is a professional photographer. He came to our home and took all kinds of photos, in our bedroom, of Mary with our kids, her parents, siblings, and with just me and her.

As I sat on the bed with her, and she cuddled into my arms she said, "I've missed being in your arms." She had surgery just before that and physical contact was painful...but for a brief time we were able to be in each other's arms and it just felt so right.

It is a memory that is comforting and painful at the same time, and a feeling that I miss so much.

I also realized, after that session, just how sick my Mary was because it completely wore her out, and all she did was sit up in bed and have people on the bed with her. When everyone left she started to cough, which always made her get sick, and then slept for a long time.

I can't bring myself to look at those pictures but I know some day I will and be glad for them.

Went to NY or It ain't so bad.

I had a customer appointment yesterday at 2pm. They are located on Park Avenue and my company's office is on 5th Avenue in downtown New York City.

I drove down the night before and stayed in a hotel just outside the city. It was a long ride down and by the time I got there I checked in, ate in the hotel, and went to bed.

In the morning I got up and decided to drive into the city. It was really not that bad. Once you get into the city the streets and avenues are laid out in a logical fashion so it is easy to get around.

I parked in a garage right near the 5th Ave. office at around 9am and when I liberated my car at 5:30pm it cost me only $24!

The sales person that I was supporting on this trip took me to lunch and we went to the 21 Club and had lunch off of the Prix Fixe menu, a 3-course meal, for only $33 each!

I had a marinated mushroom salad, rosemary chicken, and Crème Brule. Unfortunately, we had to then visit the customer so I couldn't have a drink or check out their wine list.

I drove through the city, ate at the 21 club, took a taxi, and rode the subway all in one day. I got home at around 11pm last night and collapsed into bed after a long and exhausting day.

I'd like to visit the city when I have time to just hang out and do touristy things, ya know?

Out to dinner or Best behavior?

Good Friend and His Wife called the other night and asked if I wanted to join them, and Good Friend's Hot Sister for dinner.

I, of course, jumped at the chance and met them in Portsmouth. I only had one whole drink, and part of another, during the course of the evening. I wanted to be on my best behavior so I wouldn't hit on my friend's sister and cause all kinds of awkward moments. ;)

Ice cream or A sweet treat!

Me and the daughters went for ice cream last weekend in Portsmouth. It was around 10pm but we were in the mood so what the heck.

We had just gotten our ice cream, and sat at a table, when my dentist walked in with her boyfriend. I looked up, saw them, smiled and said hi before going back to enjoying my ice cream.

Youngest Daughter watched them as they stood in line. She said the dentist told her bf, "That's the guy I told you about." and then hugged him after saying "You don't need to be worried!" to him.

One of the daughters said, "And when a girl says you don't need to worry to a guy...he better worry!"

Straighten me out or Something about those teeth.

I started my InvisAlign last week. It is like braces, but instead of wires and brackets they use plastic trays to move the teeth over time. You can take out the trays to eat and brush your teeth and then they go back in your mouth.

My main motivation was that it was taking so long to clean the back part of my bottom teeth because they were so crooked. I decided to do this 'for me' and will be done with them around next April.

HP on the mind or Road kill in a different light.

Middle Daughter and I were driving toward Barnes and Noble last night and saw a dead raccoon on the side of the ride. It was on its back, bloated, and its legs pointed up at the sky but almost in a spread-eagled surprise fashion.

We both saw it and I was saying "Looks like a dementor got him" as MD said "Avada Kedavra!" at the same time.

Us Harry Potter fans are a special breed.

Cheese and Wine or When the Swiss dine.

I went over to Youngest Daughter's Soccer Coach's house on Friday night for some dinner and drink.

They have some friends that recently back here after living a few years in Switzerland for work that joined us for dinner too.

The friends brought some Raclette, a type of cheese, and Heide, a white wine, and it was awesome! The cheese is served after being warmed under a heating element so it is gooey and with small, white boiled potatoes. The wine was a perfect complement to the cheese.

Now, I only have to find the cheese and wine here in the States!

My wish

How's it going, brother? Tell me how you feel.
Spill your guts, what's the scoop, would you like a meal?
I only want to pray for you, 'cause God surely doesn't know
Until I hit my knees in prayer, and give the blow-by-blow

You'll see her again, you man of faith, Do you still believe?
She's resting now in God's own arms, from pain a sweet reprieve
But that doesn't help me, here and now, from the loss that hurts so much
How to live without my love: her voice, her looks, her touch

I feel despair, platitudes can't touch, nor comments oh so trite
Still alone, I face today, and then go to bed at night
Now I lay me down to sleep
I wish I may, I wish I might
I want her back, it hurts so much
Have the wish I wish tonight.

How are you doing or How do you think I'm doing?

There a friends in my life and I'm glad when they ask me how I'm doing. It gives me a chance to share, or not, depending on how my day is going.

Then there are family members and casual acquaintances that ask or say things like...

- Have you cried yet?
- If you need to scream or yell call me.
- Tell me details about someone else's death and how it affected them.
- Have you gone through her stuff yet?

I've gotten email from people that ask probing and personal questions and somehow expect that I'll spill my guts to them.

Sadly, the 'religious' crowd is the worst. They hide their curiosity under the guise of caring and gossip about what they are told but label it as sharing.

This isn't directed towards anyone that reads this blog, by the way, I'm just venting. :)

Trying to be easy or Kid gloves not required.

But, sheesh! Come on!

My aunt is the queen of forwards. She has hip, knee, and back problems so she doesn't get out that often. She got a computer a few years ago and now AOL is her life. That and sending every forward that comes her way.

The subject line: Mother of the Year

Now, honestly, I braced myself for some form of the "she's gone to heaven but she's still watching you" type email that tends to make the rounds to those grieving from a recent loss.

Nope. It was a bunch of pictures of 4-5 baby pigs, with tiger skins on them, being taken care of by a mother tiger.

Ok, they're cute...but is this something that you'd send to a man that lost his wife 14 weeks ago?

My neckerchief phase or Seventeen going on Seventy.

I visited a friend on Sunday for her daughter's graduation, from the same high school we graduated from 25 years ago! She had recently found some photos and gave some of the to me.

This is from my school's production of the Pajama Game circa 1980. I was the lead woman's father hence the white hair and sallow looking skin.

I have crabs or You never know what you'll find.

I thought it was a spider of some sort but it actually looks like a crab after I've examined the photo.

An apple a day or My iPod is away.

My iPod started acting funny last week. It would turn on but the date would be off and it wouldn't keep track of where I was in my audio book and stuff like that. I figured I'd reset it and then when I got home I'd do a restore and see if that fixed it.

I got home and when I plugged it in nothing happened. The computer didn't see it, the iPod wouldn't turn on, and charging it did nothing to make it better. I tried leaving it unplugged for 24 hours and doing it all over again to no avail.

I submitted a case, online, to Apple and two days later received an empty box to ship my iPod back to them. They should receive it today and hopefully a new or fixed one will be on its way back to me.

The only thing that concerns me is the fact that I'm pretty easy on my iPod. I don't toss it into a bag, drop it, or do anything along those lines, but it died. We'll see how things go when I get my replacement.

I miss my iPod!

Blogarita or Any excuse to have a drink...or two!

I'm planning on being at the new Margarita restaurant in Exeter tonight at around 6pm for a drink or two.

My picture has been on here enough that you should be able to spot me in a crowd if you decide to show up. Send me an email and I'll be looking for you too!

A budding thespian or No big surprise!

Youngest Daughter was Mrs. Peterson in her school's production of Bye Bye Birdie last night and did an awesome job.

Plays are certainly helped now that there is an actual theater in the new high school and we don't have to sit on metal chairs in the gym to watch the productions.

Laura captured the spirit of her character perfectly and then did an awesome job with portraying it. The audience laughed every time she hit the stage and many jumped to their feet when she walked out for the curtain call.

I'm a proud daddy!

Here is a short movie from her play.

Just a dream or Still...

In my dream Mary and I were on some sort of large boat. We decided to make love even though there was limited privacy. Suddenly, she was gone and I was very confused in my dream.

I got up to look for her and some man in the dream made a disparaging remark about her but I can't remember what he said. I said, "Fuck you!" to him knowing that it was going to be trouble.

He got up and when he went to punch me I grabbed both of his arms and pushed him away. He tried to kick me and I stepped back before kicking him in his knee. As he bent over in pain I punched him right behind the jaw and he dropped to the floor.

And then I started to wander around the ship, wondering where Mary could have gone.

I woke up and lay in my bed for a minute trying to make sense of what happened before realizing that Mary really is gone.

When in AZ or Things we used to do.

We used to love going to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum located outside of Tucson, AZ.

We'd go there at least twice a year and often more if friends or family came to visit. The general idea is that they tried to gather in one place representatives of all the animal, plant, and mineral diversity that was part of the Sonoran Desert.

We would drive through Gates Pass and the Saguaro National Monument on our way to the museum. The views were always spectacular and I felt like the entire trip was an adventure because of the beauty found in a desert landscape.

A good part of the trip, until we reached Tucson, was on miles of straight line highways. We spent that time talking, singing along with the radio or to cassette tape that played in the radio and speakers that I installed in the car! We also found time to flirt, make out, and do some serious heavy petting that made foreplay a day-long event.

I loved driving to Tucson with Mary. :)

A day in our life or Back before we had kids.

After basic training, at Fort Leonard Wood, MO, I was sent to Fort Gorden, GA for AIT (advanced initial training).

We were shell shocked after 12 weeks of someone telling us what to do and controlling every minute of our lives. We got off the bus, went through in-processing, got to the barracks and were told to be at roll call Monday morning at 7am! A whole weekend with nobody telling us what to do!

My training was six months long so my wife was allowed to join me in GA. We lived in a trailer and that's where we spent the second half of our first year of marriage.

It was tough. Mary arrived and my class was placed on the 3rd shift. The equipment I received my training on was new and the Army was trying to ramp things up quickly so they had three classes running at a time.

Third shift meant that we met at the barracks Monday evening at 10pm. My class of 11 would march to the school which started at 11pm. We would have a break at 2:30 in the morning and could eat at the local mess hall. After about a month of training many of us opted to fall asleep in our cars during that time.

We'd be in school until 7am, march back to the barracks, do PT, and then head home at around 9:30-10:00. I would then have to try to sleep in a trailer that had marginal air conditioning during a hot summer in GA.

There was also the matter of being newly married. Mary would be home by herself at night and was scared to death and lonely. I had to start sleeping with a pillow on my head because if I opened my eyes she was literally sitting there staring at me and would start talking.

I would follow this schedule until when we got out Saturday morning at 7am. We didn't have to do PT that day so I'd head home and then spend the day with Mary. I wouldn't go to sleep until around 10-11 that night. I'd be up Sunday morning and spend the day with her and then the same thing Monday.

I'm sure you see the problem here...I'd wake up Monday morning and not be able to sleep in the afternoon at all so the first night back in school would be brutal. I did the mid shift for 5 months and never got used to it. I once fell asleep standing up and nearly pulled a book shelf over on top of me.

We had to take notes but were never allowed to take them home because the training we received was classified. It wouldn't have mattered...the text would only flow for a few words and then the ink would trail off the page as I nodded off again.

Somehow, I managed to be first in my class which helped in the promotion world.

Mary and I, despite the crazy hours and schedule, still managed to have a great time in GA. We learned to love home-made ice cream, thunder storms while living in a tin-roofed trailer, and spending hours talking and being with each other.

Oh! And we bought our first TV there so Mary would have something to watch while I was at school. We got it from JC Penney and that TV still works today, around 22 years later!

Princess Fizban or What the other princesses think.

Fizban lays on my desk, in her bed, every day. She's mostly content to lounge around and expects little in the way of petting or attention. When I get up or am on a particularly boring conference call I'll give her head or belly a rub and she loves it.

I'm not particularly gentle when I pet her but she doesn't mind. I know that she prefers it that way because when the girls pet her she tends to have a go at their hands. They are soft and gentle but she acts like they're teasing her and responds accordingly.

When I point this out they look at me with incredulous looks on their faces and then say that she's spoiled and that I wouldn't tolerate that from the other cats.

But she isn't one of the other cats...she's mine. :-)

Raining, Pouring or I'd like it to be sunny more than one day in a row!

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Sunny, warm, slight breeze to keep away any bugs...perfect! I went for a nice walk last night that didn't include an umbrella or me waving my hands maniacally around my head to chase away the mosquitoes or black flies.

Today...rain again! Forecast for the next few days...rain!

On an odd note...we've been in this house almost three years. I got a package via UPS yesterday and opened it up without really looking at the package. It contained a coffee mug with a picture on it of a bunch of Chinese kids. The picture is of the Chinese family that lived here before us. They ordered this mug from Kodak and obviously never bothered to check the address to see if it was correct.

I'm sure that I'll hear from them in the next day or two.

Thief! or Stupid chickmunks!

I went outside today and decided to take a look at my strawberries to see how they were getting along.

They're gone! Something ate them all and I'm placing my bets on the little chickmunks that scamper around our yard.

Flattered or At a loss what to do.

So, I was feeling lonely this afternoon, after winning $30 playing cards at my niece's 2nd birthday, and decided to take a ride.

I went into Portsmouth and just wandered around for a while. I got hungry after walking for about an hour and went into the Green Monkey.

The bar was pretty empty, compared to Friday night, and I sat down and looked over the martini menu. The bartender was different and the owner wasn't around either. I looked up when the door to the kitchen opened and our waitress from the other night walked through the door.

I went back to looking at my menu when she walked over and said, "Bob! Is that you hiding in the corner?" I was pretty darn flattered that she remembered me and my name. We chatted for a bit and she went back to waiting on her tables.

A little while later the bartender came over and told me that the waitress wanted to by me a drink! She came over again and I gave her a hug and thanked her.

After I had a bite to eat I left but said goodbye and thank you once again.

I walked back to my car with a smile on my face and a lift to my step. But then, I started to think...what does one do after a cute waitress buys them a drink? Was she just being nice, or flirting, or expecting an offer for dinner or a drink in return?

I decided to not do anything based on the gut feeling that she was just being nice. The whole thing just caught me off guard, you know?

A milestone?

I removed my wedding band the other day. I've toyed with it since Mary passed away...wearing it on other fingers or my other hand but always returning it to the right one.

I had her rings removed once she passed away. We talked about removing them when she first returned home after finding out that she was going to die. At the time, she wasn't ready to let them go and neither was I.

But now she's gone and the rings are sitting in my safe. Matching was always a big thing with her. We had the same style band because she wanted them to match. She's not wearing hers any more and it just seemed right to not wear mine either.

The kids don't mind. They know that my feelings and love for her aren't tied to a piece of metal. And...I have the watch that she gave me for Father's Day last year.

I like nice watches and my latest one had stopped working after five years. She took me to a nice jewelry store and told me to pick out whatever one I wanted (within reason) and then spent more than she planned because the one I tried on looked so great.

She was so good to me...and I miss her so much.

Out to eat or A couple of drinks.

Some thoughts about going out to eat and drinking a lot:

- decide on whether waitresses are cute before you start to drink
- too much information? no such thing!
- make sure all drunk dial numbers are up-to-date
- wear comfortable shoes because you may have to walk two hours to sober up
- bring umbrella and jacket, same reason
- practice non-threatening smile and nod for people you pass repeatedly while walking
- dust off excuses for anything you said or did while inebriated
- convince yourself that nothing needs excusing
- plan next night out