6 Kids, 3 cats, 1 dog, Mom, and Dad

Not that there's anything wrong with that or In his dreams.

I visited Son at work today while running some errands down town. Son works at a food establishment (a step above fast food but not sit down and get waited on either) that I've patronized for years. Most of the workers are high school and college students so there's a pretty steady turnover.

One of his co-workers is gay. I don't care. He's a nice kid and we've always chatted back and forth when I've visited.

I walked in today and our conversation went like this...

Him: How are you?
Me: Any better and I couldn't stand it. (general smiles all around)
Him: Hey! I dreamed about you last night! We went to Home Depot together.
Me: Did I buy anything?
Him: I don't know...in my dream I knew we went together and talked briefly but then I woke up.
Me: Well, I need a table saw so make sure I get one of those next time.
Him: smiles, laughs, goes back to waiting on customers

I mentioned to Son later on that it was kind of awkward knowing what to say when a gay guy says he's dreaming about you. He said that the same guy kept hitting him on the butt with a hat when they were working today.

I'm just glad that all the special attention wasn't just for me.

Princesses on Vacation or The Out-laws strike!

The youngest princess slept over her cousin's house last night with the idea that they would sleep over here the next night. Asian-Sister-Out-Law called and asked when she should bring them here, at 3:18pm.

Me: Now? Well you could except I'm working...
ASOL: I have to do laundry.
Me: So you have to drop them off now?
ASOL: They can play in the basement...

So they are all here, and in the basement for the time being. I must make this job look incredibly simple because they all assume I can do it surrounded by chaos.

Why don't you go shopping, honey or The price for five minutes of peace and quiet.

I think I've mentioned before that the princesses are on vacation this week. The youngest princess slept over her cousin's house last night. That means that Beautiful Wife and the two princesses were here this morning and bored.

First of all, there is nothing more exciting than watching me work and then asking me to explain the other side of the phone conversation I just finished. I know this to be true because they all sat in the other room, watching me talk, and then wanted to know what it was all about. The explanation took way longer than the conversation.

So I did it...I waved plastic in front of their eyes and told them to go shopping for something pretty. And they went...I'm sure that I'm teaching the wrong lesson here but I was desperate!

Sex education or Screwing around.

I don't remember when the concept of sex first became known to me but I know it was when I lived in Philadelphia and I left there half-way through fourth grade.

My dad always left his Playboy magazines around, on the stand under the fish-tank, and one time my friend and I found a box of girlie magazines on the curb in another neighborhood.

We knew that you could do 'it' with a girl but we didn't really understand the mechanics. Two things that we knew for sure:

1. You couldn't do 'it' for more than 15 minutes or you'd die.
2. You had to screw the girl.

We talked a lot about number one and decided we'd have a watch of some sort and just do it until it was one second before 15 minutes. The concept of an orgasm was unknown.

We talked a lot about number two because we couldn't figure out the mechanics of screwing a girl. We figured that you must be on top of her, and then you'd both go in opposite directions because isn't that what a screw did, righty-tighty and all that? We didn't realize there was penetration of any kind and figured just being on top of her was what you had to do in order to join the done it club.

Then we'd go back to defining how close to 15 minutes we could go, turning in a circle on top of the girl, before taking the chance that we'd end up dead.

I remember when or Another story from my past.

When I was a kid a visit to the doctor's office was a rare event.

I broke my hand when I was in 1st grade. We were playing tag at a playground in Philadelphia. This was before child-friendly playgrounds and more in line with the playgrounds described by Bill Cosby in one of his comedy routines. The ground was concrete and safety wasn't a concern.

We were playing tag. I climbed the steps to the slide and realized that if I slid down I would get tagged since my sister was hard on my heels. I decided that it would be better if I ran down the slide. I took two steps and went over the side.

I landed with my hand/arm under one of my legs. I bit my wrist (how the hell I ended up like this I can't imagine) and have a tiny scar from that too. Anyway, I remember it hurt like hell. My dad pulled me to my feet and asked what hurt. I managed to let him know that it was my hand and then he proceeded to ask me if I could move it and if different things hurt when he did them to my hand.

If I had a borderline break he ensured that it was really broken by the time he was done. After much discussion, they decided to take me to the hospital with dire predictions about what would happen to me if I was just being a baby.

I can remember being in the hospital, the x-ray, and the feeling of sweet vindication when they told me it was broken.

My joy was short-lived when they started to talk about how it would feel when the doctor set the bone. They were trying to prepare me, I think, but it just freaked me out.

The doctor came and explained that it didn't need to be set, but that they were only going to splint it because it might require a pin in order to help it heal properly. I was just glad that I didn't have to have it set and a pin didn't sound that bad.

I ended up with a cast after going to the doctor's office the next day and didn't need surgery or a pin for it to heal.

One side incident...We used to play a game while growing up in Philadelphia. All of the row homes had alleys behind them. We would put a kid on the street corner and then a kid would be at the entrance to the alley on the intersecting streets.

The kid would say "Go!" and then the runners would take off. You had to run down the alley, take a hard left or right turn depending on which side you started on, and reach the entrance to the other street before the other kid. There was some bumping and hitting as your paths crossed but mostly you just ran like hell.

I rounded the sharp corner, bumped with the kid, and then slipped when I ran through a puddle. I got a huge cut on the arm that was NOT in the cast. It most definitely should have been stitched but I had been to the doctor already that year so I had to make due with band-aids.

I also got a big lecture and possibly a beating because I might have cracked my cast and that would have meant another trip to the doctor.

Kids these days...they don't know how lucky they are!

A dreary day or What should we do?

It is chilly, raining, and not a very nice day outside today. That means we can't work on the yard again, which is something that I really wanted to do, and need to do things inside instead.

I did clean out the gutters yesterday with Son's help so that water drains properly instead of overflowing. It was mostly leaves that tend to clump together when wet that was causing the problem this time.

Today is go through clothes and decide what is dirty, what is clean and needs to be put away, or what should be given away day. Clothes have taken over our basement and I'd much rather have them in dressers and closets in the bedrooms.

Of course, this means that the princesses can't spend the day in front of the TV so we're sure to have tears and conflict between the little kingdoms.

The potential conflicts?

- that's not mine!
- that's mine!
- that's not yours!
- that's yours!
- that's not my job!
- that's my job!
- that's not your job!
- that's your job!

I think that about covers it...I'll be at a remote location with a bottle of booze and some earplugs if you need me.

Loving the weather or Don't get used to it!

It is 80 degrees outside right now. It is 73 degrees at the Orlando, FL airport. It is warmer here in Madbury than it is at Disney World!!!

We're going to have some 'weather' tonight and it will be back in the 50s for the rest of the week with lows in the 30s at night.

It was nice while it lasted!

I'm the eldest or But I like her outlook.

Youngest Daughter had an orthodontist appointment this morning. On the way back we heard from Beautiful Wife. BW wanted to let me know that she was going out to breakfast with Her Mother and Her Older Sister.

YD asked if they were going to a local shop where Son happens to work. I told her that he was in school and wouldn't be working. Then she said, "Well, they'll probably want to go in and see if they can find a hair from him since he's the favorite."

I called BW and we laughed about that and YD continued on to say, "The oldest is always perfect."

I got off the phone and explained that she must be talking about me being perfect since I'm the oldest. She was incredulous.

I asked her who she thought was the oldest and she started with my Oldest Younger Sister, then my Baby Sister, and then me. I called my OYS and she thought it was 'really funny!' I couldn't reach the other one but you better believe I can't wait until I do.

Of course, YD didn't see me get out of bed this morning after going back to karate class last night. We did a bunch of squats, pushups, crunches, and then went through all of our katas. My knees were feeling the strain from the 25 pounds, or more, that I'd like to lose.

Karate means empty hands or It doesn't mean grace.

I was reading a funny story over at Deirdre's blog and she wondered what the equivalent type of story would be if we were talking about karate.

I was a fairly new student and we were working on the nunchucks (nunchaku is the real name, and certainly not numbchucks though that may apply in this case). I didn't like the foam covered plastic ones so I decided to purchase a pair made from wood.

Everything was fine during the pre-defined exercises until we were told to improvise. I started swinging them in one direction, changed my mind, and ended up hitting myself in the forehead.

It reminded me of the sound made when someone thumps a melon to check its ripeness, a hollow sound that kind of echos. Everyone looked at me and then we all started to laugh.

A culinary explanation or Campfire cooking and S'mores.

This is for Antipo since she asked me to explain what a S'more is in a previous post. My forte is explaining breasts, but I'll do my best, to explain this culinary delight.

First, a warning...if you let children make these they'll get full from eating them way before you run out of ingredients. They NEVER get tired of making them. Get really good at directing their results to other people or 'accidentally' dump the spare marshmallows into the fire.

S'mores are a sandwich made with graham crackers acting as the bread with a piece of flat chocolate and a hot toasted marshmallow mushed together inside. I even found a website that explains what to do if you need pictures to understand what I'm trying to say.

Change in job or This is the life.

I no longer support a single account and instead work in the territory supporting three different sales people. One of the benefits is that I've yet to buy a breakfast, lunch, or dinner when on the road with them visiting a customer.

The other day I received a case of Charles Shaw Wine, sometimes known as Two Buck Chuck, from one of the sales people that I support.

I was remarking to Asian Sales Chick that it was hard to open a bottle of wine when I was the only one drinking because of what is going on with Beautiful Wife. I always ended up pouring some of it out if I didn't finish it over the next couple of days. She gave me a case of this wine so that i could drink without guilt.

This wine is around $3 a bottle (they can't offer it for $1.99 in all states) and it is really good. I don't know if I'll feel any better about pouring it down the sink but at least it isn't a $10-$20 bottle going to waste.

Sunny and warm or Time for yard work.

It was a gorgeous day outside today in my part of the world. The sun was bright, the sky was blue, and it was just warm enough to make it comfortable.

I started off my day in a meeting regarding my next round of black belt testing. I'll probably test in around a year for my second degree and I'm looking forward to the preparation. I've not been in the dojo much lately and I miss it.

The two youngest princesses and I spent some time working in the front yard. We picked up sticks, raked leaves, and dragged piles of them into the woods in back of our house. It is amazing how a couple of hours worth of work can make the yard look so much nicer.

After it got dark I built a small fire in the back yard, our first of the season, so that the girls could toast marshmallows and make s'mores.

Commenting on blogs or What do you do?

If I comment on someone's blog it is usually something short and to the point. I found that if I need two or more paragraphs to explain myself I ended up exiting and leaving nothing at all.

Sometimes, it will inspire me to leave a similar entry on my blog but I feel so copycat-like that I usually don't do that either.

The thing is, I don't mind getting lengthy comments. Why do I feel so awkward leaving one then?

Oldest Daughter's friend or An update for all of you.

We received a call last night from OD's friend's mother and step-father. They wanted to inform me that she was supposed to be at either her father's house or a friend of her mother's home and not with us. I told them that the father asked for her to stay at our home because he lives around 30 minutes each way from here and wasn't sure how he'd get her to school in the morning.

They told me that they thought I should have called them and let them know she was at our house. I patiently explained that they obviously had my phone number and were free to check with us but that I'm certainly not responsible for keeping them informed regarding their daughter's whereabouts.

I was pleasant but firm and we left it that she would sleep here last night but that she was expected to be at those other places tonight and if she wasn't they would call the police to aid in finding her. Psychotic or what? I don't know if it was a veiled threat but I'm pretty sure that when I finished speaking to the police the mother and step-father would have regretted that decision.

Anyway, at around 8:10 tonight OD and her friend walk in the door and tell me that her father spoke with her mother and that they both agreed that she could stay here if it was ok with us.

I insisted that she call her mother and have her mother ask me if it was ok for her to stay here with us. I did it so the mother would have to swallow her pride and ask me for my permission, especially since she was such a bitch last night. It also made OD's friend feel better knowing that she had an adult witness to the whole thing and that her mother couldn't spin it differently tomorrow.

The poor girl is a wreck. I know there are two sides to every story, but I'm having a hard time seeing there's.

Having fun or How long until someone cries.

Middle and Youngest daughters asked me to come outside and play 'baseball' with them tonight. It is a big plastic bat and a grapefruit-sized plastic ball and an elaborate set of rules regarding balls, strikes, fouls, and how to advance base runners.

For some reason, the daughters run the bases still carrying the bat. I noticed that YD used the bat to touch the bases rather than actually making contact with her body. When I mentioned it after she got a hit she ran back to first base, got tagged out, and then ran in the front door crying. *sigh*

I can remember playing my first ball games as a kid in Northeast Philly where I lived until I was 10. We played in the middle of the street using manhole covers as second and home while parked cars filled in for first and third. We also played, occasionally, in an abandoned lot chock full of crumbled concrete, asphalt, and broken glass.

If a ball went down the sewer we took turns being lowered down by our feet to retrieve it. We got cut, bruised, fought each other over calls, played until dinner time and I honestly don't remember any one ever crying.

A public service or Just doing my part to make the world a better place.

My post on breasts has seemed to cause some confusion and I apologize for that. If you're not sure what category your awesome breasts belong in, just give me a yell. I do evaluations, free of charge, and will be glad to consider yours.

Again, my most humble apologies. I hope that this small gift of a personal evaluation will earn your forgiveness.

Please send a recent photo to whataguy@settersorpointers.com and I'll send you your evaluation promptly.

You lose one you gain one or Parenting for hire.

Oldest Daughter's friend has a pretty bad home life. Parents are divorced, mother is remarried, and things aren't going well.

ODF had someone drive her home because she had been drinking. Mother yelled at her, slapped her, took away her car keys and cell phone, smashed the phone, sold the car two days later, and bought a new convertible. I heard most of this happening on the phone when she called looking for OD. She called to see if we'd come and get her but her mother said she'd call the police if she left the house.

She mentioned the other day that she needed a ride to work. Mom yells at her, step-father pushes her into her room, and they tell her they can't wait for her to move out.

Some of this would be in the realm of a kid just venting, but I've been on the other side of the phone when she's called the house crying as her mother screams in the background.

Her father took her home the other night but lives in Portsmouth so that makes it hard for her to attend school. She is now staying at our house but I'm not sure how long that will last. Dad is ok with it but I'm not sure if Mom knows. We'll have to find out when they get home from school this afternoon. She's a senior, and goes to college in the fall, can't they find a way to make it work until then?

The school trip or You gotta get the gossip!

Of course, gossip was the first order of business and I found out that three boys, one of them a former karate student at our school, were caught smoking pot in their room. Turns out that one of the boys didn't want to smoke and ended up spending the night in the bathroom. He mentioned it to a friend and that friend confessed all to his tour guide (he had a crush on her) and that closed the loop back to the chaperones.

It is dumb enough to cross the border with drugs, and even dumber to smoke in a hotel, but how dumb do you have to be when you do it in a room when not everyone is doing it with you?

Their parents had to go to Quebec and get them. Middle Daughter mentioned that the girls she roomed with all decided that they wouldn't wait around for their parents to show up if they did such a thing.

Middle Daughter is back or Did you get me a present?

Our Middle Princess returned safely from her school trip to Quebec last night at around 10pm. She couldn't say enough about how much fun she had.

She brought home several gifts for everyone and I was especially thrilled with my jar of mild honey mustard. She got it from the Musée de l'Abeille Marketplace. What made it so thrilling to me was the fact that I had seen that place on a wine show that talked about their honey wine better known as mead.

Her only complaint was that everything was so expensive and the taxes were outrageous. Other than that, she had a wonderful time!

Doing some cleaning or The peepers are out too!

I spent a good part of the day yesterday cleaning out my car. I accumulated a lot of stuff, including sand and dirt, over the course of the winter and it needed a good vacuum.

I also cleaned the glass on the inside, the leather seats, and the carpet where I had a few coffee stains.

I love night time around here now. The peepers are out in full chorus and it makes me smile as I drive down the road and hear them singing away.

A couple of houses down from us is a horse farm. What's even better is that they have chickens that wander around their yard. I don't know why, but chickens crack me up.

I want to have a few chickens of my own and a bee hive. Beautiful Wife humors me when I mention it and at least she hasn't said no.

Bob blogs breasts or Since you asked.

Deirdre mentioned that she'd "look forward to such a post." Well, here it is!

What makes breasts awesome.

Breasts that pretty much stand on their own are ok.
Breasts that have advanced in age and lean more than stand are still ok.
Breasts that look you in they eye are ok.
Breasts that stare at your feet are still ok.
Breasts that are abundant are ok.
Breasts that are barely there are still ok.
Breasts that are bare are ok.
Breasts that are barely covered are ok.
Breasts that are covered but pointedly indicate their presence are still ok.
Breasts that are milky white are ok.
Breasts that are tanned are ok.

I hope this clears up any confusion on awesome breasts.

A little bragging or The princesses update.

Oldest Daughter has been accepted at the local university but will be living in the dorms. Good for her, good for us since she's entering that age when she wants to have her own kingdom instead of living in mine.

Middle Daughter is a sophomore in high school but in junior level French. She's been selected for the French National Honor Society. There's a ceremony at the high school tonight so I'll be there. She's a great student and has had quarters when she's received a grade of A+.

Youngest Daughter is doing indoor soccer and outdoor soccer starts at the end of the month. She's also started to realize the correlation between organization and success at school. She's on top of her homework and is able to do stuff for extra credit because she's not waiting until the last minute to do her homework.

Son is on break now at school but seems to be doing well with his classes, work, and living with his girlfriend.

Dinner and a movie or Good Friend is getting older.

I remember when Good Friend was a pony-tailed, apartment living, living in sin, no car payment twenty-something. Amazing what a difference a decade can make.

We went out last night joined by Good Friend's Wife to celebrate his upcoming bday. We ate at Fresh City and I enjoyed the food very much. We followed this up by going to see Sin City.

I really didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect to see all that T&A and prostitutes wielding automatic weapons. It was a fun movie being that I'm all for gratuitous nudity. I also have no problem with scenes featuring fishnet stockings and thong-enhanced firm, yet slightly jiggly, female bottoms.

Spring is springing or So, that's where the leaves went!

I went outside to take a picture of the remaining snow along the front of our yard and found out where all the leaves went at the end of Autumn.

You have to really look in this picture, under the trees in the distance, to see the snow that remains along the stone wall.

One other thing that I noticed is that there is a TON of sand along the wall and spilling over into our yard. I'd use the area for sunbathing if it wasn't right on the side of the road. I'd hate to be the cause of any driving mishaps when chicks slowed down to check out my manly physique.

Spring is here or A general feeling of funk.

I noticed as I did the rounds of the blogs that I like to read that there's a general feeling of funk out there.

I'm experiencing a slight funk too.

We're so ready to have chemo over, but also a bit apprehensive because then you have to see if it worked or not.

I'm so ready to have Spring be more like Summer and to go out and have some fun. I'm ready to take care of the yard and do some cleaning and have decent weather while I do it.

Each year I wonder why I don't do more things in the Spring and then I remember...black flies. We've had a wet Spring and that means that we'll have a bumper crop.

It really takes away from enjoying a day in the garden or clearing trees when you have your eyes and ears swarmed by those little pests. Even sitting on the sidelines at a soccer game becomes a chore and you find yourself wishing for a steady wind to keep them at bay.

What a rambling post...

Bought some footwear or Summer can't come soon enough.

I bought a pair of Teva flip-flops the other day when I was at L.L. Bean. The part that goes between the toes is cloth and much more comfortable than the plastic or rubber ones I tried wearing in the past.

The flip-flops are called Mush and the name fits perfectly. I've worn them around the house and even wore them to the store last week when the temperature got to 60 degrees. I've always gotten blisters between my toes when I've worn this type of sandal before but not with these ones.

Also, the very bottom is rigid and rugged while the part your foot rests on feels like...Mush, very soft and comfortable.

I'm sure my mom would disapprove of paying $20 for flip-flops but the are worth every penny.

The rain came down or More fun with flooding.

I woke up last night and couldn't fall back to sleep. When that happens I tend to wander around the house and make sure everything is ok and then go back to bed and hope for slumber.

I heard a splashing sound coming from the deck area of the house and that could only mean one thing...the drain for the gutter is clogged and overflowing. Instead of the water running down the drain-pipe and away from the house it was falling next to the foundation.

It turns out that there's a crack and it lets water seep into the basement if water builds up there. I went into the basement and a small amount had started to pool in the basement so I put an old towel on it to soak it up.

Then I went back upstairs to address the immediate problem of water falling against the house. I got dressed and went outside in the pouring rain at 4:30am to spread a tarp over that area. I secured part of it up on the deck so that it had some slope to it so water would drain away from the house.

I totally lead the most exciting life, don't I?