7 Kids, 2 grandkids, 1 on-the-way, 2 cats, Mom, and Dad

Providing comfort or It ain't all about the pills.

The reason I made bread yesterday is because I figured that it would smell nice upstairs where Beautiful Wife spends most of her day. The dinner I made had a bunch of different things in it that provided a delectable bouquet as it cooked too.

Today, the bouquet was slightly different but something that BW wanted...boiled dinner. Actually, until you add in the cabbage it has a nice homey smell to it as it cooks. And if you like cabbage, nothing gets the taste buds going like the smell of it in a boiled dinner.

I read something in a book along the lines that you should provide comfort while providing care; taking care of the soul while taking care of the body. It is easy to get caught up in the routine of pills, helping up and down the stairs, showering, etc. and think that you're doing enough. It is the small things you do that make it easier for your loved one to endure in the face of pain and fear.

First time for everything or Let it rise.

I made Amish Sweet Bread today from a recipe I found on-line. It is the first home made bread I've ever made.

I figured that it would be nice for Beautiful Wife to smell it as it baked and I was right. Between that and the Chicken with Red Wine and Tarragon that I made for dinner the place smelled great and she kept asking when dinner was going to be ready.

I think I should have let the yeast do its thing for a bit longer before I started adding in other ingredients. It also could have probably cooked for a couple more minutes. All in all, I think it came out pretty well.

Fourth year in a row or Bring on the Nouveau!

I bought a bottle of George Duboeuf's Beaujolais Nouveau for the fourth year in a row.

The first year I tried it shortly after I had started drinking wine. I read something about Beaujolais Nouveau in a newspaper and it sounded very interesting. We had it with our Thanksgiving meal and it was fun.

The second year I tried it while on a business trip in Orlando. I had a chance to be in Epcot the day it was released and got to speak with Frank Duboeuf, the son of the main producer of this type of wine. He signed a bottle of the wine to Beautiful Wife and I brought it home for her. We also had a couple of bottles around Thanksgiving time.

Last year we bought it again for Christmas and reveled in the tradition we were starting to build for ourselves.

I bought it again this year though the purchase was somewhat bittersweet since Beautiful Wife isn't able to drink any. I had a glass of it with my Thanksgiving dinner and Beautiful Wife had a smell of it from my glass.

I also bought a bottle of nouveau wine from a different producer in France, Michel Picard, and one in California, Beringer. I still have some left in the original bottle and will do a taste comparison soon.

Family Fun or Big Brother still likes me.

Youngest Daughter is almost beside herself with excitement today because it is an early release day from school AND Big Brother (Son) is going to pick her up and hang out with her.

Youngest Daughter's main concern is that she go over to his apartment and cook him a "decent meal."

When someone jumps out at you or You go girl!

I was reading People at the dentist office yesterday while Youngest Daughter had her braces checked out and the bands changed.

Cameron Diaz was on her way out of a restaurant when a photographer jumped out at them from a hiding place on a dark street to take pictures of her and Justin Timberlake. She grabbed one of the photographer's sweaters, punched him in the neck, and put the camera in her purse as evidence.

Justin Timberlake was last seen running away with his hands in the air and screaming like a girl.

I think that being famous carries a price tag but that some common sense should be used by those doing the picture taking. Let's say that I'm worth 50 million dollars and I'm walking down the street when suddenly someone jumps out at me. Are they a photographer, stalker, potential kidnapper...do you punch them in the face and take your chances with a lawsuit or do you stand there passively right up until the point when they shoot you instead?

Hurry up and wait or Depends on what side you're on.

We know there will be test results, we know that there will likely be more treatment, but we really don't want to think about it now.

Everything we face is scary, and right now Beautiful Wife is still trying to recover from extensive and invasive surgery. We'll face the additional challenges as they come along but would rather focus on the present challenge for now.

It is almost like we have relatives that have reduced this whole thing to a checklist and that they are eager to check off the next item because when they get to the end it will be done and Mary will be better.

Schedule surgery...check
Get upset at how long you have to wait...check
Ask if the surgery has happened yet...check
Ask if you have the results the day of the surgery...check
Ask the day after...check
See email detailing dates and times for appointments...check
Ask for the results of the tests three hours before the appointment...check

Youngest Sister sent an email today asking if we have test results yet so it isn't just an outlaw thing.

I know people are concerned, and that they just want to know because they care. But for God's sake...

Two questions or My favorite things.

My favorite question: What's your favorite pie.

My least favorite question: So what's next, chemo?

I'm a pretty open person. Once I find out what is going on, process it and talk about it with Beautiful Wife, I share it with everyone else.

There are only two reasons why I wouldn't say anything: BW asked me not to share it or I can't deal with it right now.

The outlaws seem to believe that I'm getting secret updates via the implant in my ass and I am just keeping them out of the loop for the hell of it. I guess they figure if each of them ask enough they'll finally get me to crack and cough up the information.

On the up side, my mother-in-law has been incredible in terms of bringing food and just being willing to sit with BW and watch movies. She has a heart of gold when it comes to stuff like that.

When you are so tired that you can't sleep or It ain't even Christmas.

I went to bed at 11pm. I read until my eyes were drooping closed and then headed upstairs. I dropped in to say goodnight to Beautiful Wife and she wanted to know when next she could expect a visit from the man with the god-like body bearing narcotics.

Ok, she didn't say that but I KNOW she had to be thinking it...

Anyway, I did some quick math and realized that one could be given at 12:30 and the other at 1:30. So I set the alarm on my cell phone for 1:30 and now I've been tossing and turning for the last two hours.

Guess what, Honey? Christmas has come early...time for your pills now!

Reading while waiting or Times have changed.

I just read the Agatha Christie book, The Big Four.

It was published in 1927 and it is amazing what things were like back then in terms of scientific understanding and racism.

The author speaks of special energy rays, super-magnetic power, and the possibility that someone can use atomic power to cause great harm to the world. In the story, people get incinerated from a distance and submarines are dashed upon rocks and you are led to believe that some nefarious scientific device is to blame.

Asians are all profiled as having faces devoid of expression, eastern ways beyond understanding, called chinks, and mostly featured as servants, and if they are intelligent at all they are of a criminal mind.

Some other things to note...the copy that I read my mom has had for years. It is a paperback book with a renewed copyright in 1955 and the cover has the original price of 45 cents on it.

In front of the fire or This is the life.

This is my kitty cat, Fizban, relaxing in front of the fire. Isn't it funny how the flames of the fire are shaped almost like her ears?

Another day or Tomorrow is the big one.

Today is the day before the big day that's next
When it all becomes real rather than just reading of text
I'll sit in a room, read, worry, and pace
Avoid other's eyes with a fixed smile on my face

Wait for the surgeon to come out and let me know
Is my love doing ok, did you vanquish the cancer foe
Can I hold her hand and touch her cheek
How long will it take, this hospital week

I must be feeling the strain or 30 second poetry.

Some sob uncontrollably and others take solace in booze
Instead I write about nonsense, that's what I choose
I engage half my mind, yeah I know, that makes me a half wit
Call me that if and when you feel it is fit

Read this quickly with nary time for a roll of the eyes
With much pooh-poohing and lots of heavy sighs
And send me a package with lots in it to drink
We'd rather have him drunk, his poetry stinks!

If you play the game or Have the right equipment.

A man talks about sex and he is a pig
But for a woman the deal is not big
She can talk about breasts, that girl's fine ass, or a penis too
But coming from a man, that just won't do

How did she get such freedom and why does the man lack
She gets encouragement when she mentions baby's got back
Men sit there with fascination when she confesses her lust
For the woman at the coffee shop's pert, perky, pendulous, bust

And if she tells of her fascination with balls and cock
There's nary a male in attendance her enthusiasm will mock
But instead try to join in and say out loud and with glee
I like pussy!!!!

Then averted eyes will happen and strained silence take place
Possible sexual harassment suits might have a case
What the man didn't know of this ribald game, a bawdy battle of wits
Is that the same rules don't apply if you don't have tits.

Yawn or Sleep isn't coming easy.

I'm having a hard time getting a good night's sleep recently. What gets me is that I will be up off and on all night. Finally, I'll get up again at around 4:30-5:00am for a drink and then I'll have the best sleep of the night right up until the alarm clock goes off at 6:10am.

About 2pm I'll start yawning and wishing that taking a nap was an option.

When a child leaves or Worry is still an option.

We hadn't heard from Son for a couple of days. The spread of time between calls and visits has steadily increased since he moved into his own apartment. This move is different than staying in a dorm room at college. When you live in a dorm you still come home during holidays and school vacations. Your parents save your room and it is there waiting for you when you come back.

When you have three daughters still at home, and two of them share a room, you start to wonder what it would be like to let them each have a room of their own. When Son gets a roommate, and signs a lease for a year, they get to find out.

Now, when he comes to visit, he's welcome to stay overnight and has his choice of two sleeper sofas and a futon.

We hadn't heard from him for a couple of days and Beautiful Wife was having separation anxiety. She wanted to let him know about her upcoming surgery but his cell phone went immediately to voice mail.

I tracked him down at school this morning and found out that his battery needed to be charged and his charger had sprouted legs and somehow walked out of his apartment. I took his phone, got the charger out of my car, plugged it into the outlet in the van that we still let him use, and plugged in his phone so he'd be all set to make calls once he gets out of school.

I also let him know that Mommy was having a hard time not hearing from him and I'd appreciate if he made calling her a priority.

Of course, Mommy would prefer that he thought of that all on his own but Daddy knows that sometimes a kid needs a swift kick in the ass to get moving.

A fine dessert or Another way to enjoy chocolate.

Good Friends stopped by Saturday night for dessert and a movie. None of us had seen The Shining before so we watched that movie. It was barely bloody at all, compared to horror movies that you see now, but it was full of suspense.

I bought a bottle of Sam Adams Chocolate Boch a week ago and had it chilling in the refrigerator. For dessert I filled a chilled glass about half way with the boch, added a couple scoops of vanilla ice cream, and then topped off the glass with some more boch. Only the guys tried it (the ladies were too full) and he seemed to enjoy it too. It seems an unlikely pairing but it is really good.

Went to check the gutters or Wildlife in the backyard.

I went out the back door on to our deck to check the status of our gutters. They were filled with leaves the last time I checked. The big gusts of wind that we've had recently not only emptied most of my yard but appear to have cleared the gutters too. I still am going to get up on a ladder to be sure since I don't want ice dams building up there this winter.

Anyway, as I walked out the door I heard this loud stamping noise and then looked up to see a doe running from my yard, right by the deck, about 25 feet into the woods. I called into the house and Middle Daughter came running out to see the deer. The doe stood there for a few minutes and then jumped/ran farther into the woods with its flag waving a goodbye to us.

It went about 100 feet into the woods and then just calmly walked around while we tried to get glimpses of it.

We have nearly two acres of land and most of it is woods as are the properties on either side of us. Behind all of our properties is a horse farm and open fields so we are basically a great, big no-hunting zone in an area that is mostly open to hunting.

It is the first time we've seen a deer in our yard though all last winter we'd find their prints and poop all over our front yard after it snowed.

The screamed like girls or Wait, they are girls!

We were all watching Survivor last night when suddenly Fizban come tearing across my office floor and pounces. She had a mouse in her paws! I jumped up to assist, and the mouse ran under the baseboard heat. All of the girls, were gathered around the doorway to my office squealing and shouting out advice.

I palmed a cork that I had on my desk and yelled out, "I got it!!!" before tossing the cork in their direction.

The most satisfying pandemonium that you can imagine was the result.

One other note...My daughters say that Sarge reminds them of me.

How it affects me or Maybe I'm too self centered.

President Reagan (1981-1989) - Was in the military during the middle of his term. First major pay increases to the military ever and consistent pay raises and cost-of-living increases while he was in office.

President Bush I (1989-1993) - Out of the military and working various telecommunication jobs in Boston and Cambridge before taking a job in Barrington, NH at a small software company.

President Clinton (1993-2001) - First time in job market with a Democrat in office and first time laid off. Had first summer since I was 14 that I wasn't gainfully employed.

President Bush II (2001-present) - Working in a high-tech job in a pre-sales technical role. Significant salary increases since starting this job in 2001.

I know this is a pretty simplistic way of looking at things. If I was in the military now, or had a loved one serving in the Middle East, I might have a different outlook. However, I honestly believe that most people vote based on how things affect them and not because of some greater good.

How do I know this? Well, let's see...I live in an area that voted predominately Democrat. I have a hard time pulling out on Route 155 in the morning because people speed through that intersection. I have a difficult time backing out of a spot on Main Street in Durham because nobody will stop even though they can tell by looking that I can't see them past the truck next to me. I watch the same people come into the coffee shop and expect exceptional service yet never drop anything into the tip jar.

They drive their vehicles plastered with democrat bumper stickers to their homes with political signs sprouting like dandelions on the lawn and live in their self-centered bubble until they go to the next event to support the cause of the day.

Many of them are really nice people but I believe that they support some of their causes because they believe that good and enlightened people support that position and the social pressure against thinking otherwise is overwhelming.

Not to be petty or The past catches up.

Craig Benson failed in his bid to be re-elected governor. He's the first governor in 78 years to not be elected to a second term.

I think his biggest mistake was to treat the governor's office like an extension of his office at Cabletron. This was especially true of his appointment of cronies who had bad reputations there and didn't do any better as public servants.

On top of that, he really didn't wow me as governor. He didn't accomplish much unless you count changing the toll system because he didn't like the traffic and the way it affected him. If it didn't affect him personally, forget it.

I voted a split ticket...just so I could vote for John Lynch. I wonder how many of the 13,000 votes he lost by were cast by former Cabletron employees that wanted to strike back.

The fact that he didn't speak to his supporters when he left his campaign headquarters last night and doesn't plan to make a concession speech seems to confirm the impression that he's a spoiled and arrogant little baby that didn't get his way.

Boo-hoo!

Go wind! or Less leaves for me to rake!

The wind is really blowing today and all the leaves are heading down the street or into my neighbor's yard! The leaves from the neighbor on my other side get caught in the woods between our houses so it is only output for me!

Fizban is having another wild day trying to keep track of all the leaves blowing by and against the windows. She finally gave up and is now laying in the sunbeam on my office floor.

Uh-oh! Some leaves just rattled against the window and she's up again to investigate!

Update or Things are moving along.

Beautiful Wife has an appointment tomorrow to have a Pulmonary Fitness Test and then an appointment on Friday to have a CT scan of her head.

The fitness test will let the thoracic surgeon know how much lung capacity she has so that they know how much they can safely remove during surgery.

The CT scan of her head is truly one of those cases when you hope nothing shows up. If the melanoma on her leg is somehow related to the tumor in her lung chances are that it metastasized and the brain is a popular place for it to go.

Tumors in her brain may negate the need for lung surgery and result in the start of chemo and radiation instead.

I went to the bookstore the other day and bought a Chicken Soup book for surviving cancer, how to deal with children when the parent has cancer, and a big book about cancer and various treatments. All three books are pretty much guaranteed to make you cry at one point or another.

Over at Pam's Blog she mentioned some disturbing sights with regards to today's election.

I want to add one of my own...

I was driving through downtown Durham at around 11am. There were young girls on the side of Main Street holding Vote for Kerry signs, with a twist. One sign said "I'm too young to vote, vote Kerry for me!" They jumped up and down like cheerleaders at a pep rally each time they heard a car horn. A couple of them even had braces...

Why aren't these kids in school? Are they so vital to the process that they need to be absent? Was jumping up and down on the side of the road the best way to utilize their desire to engage in the process?

Another observation...I heard a group of ladies discussing how Bush has done nothing for the environment. I recognized most of them and most of their kids drive alone to school in a car when public transportation (the school bus) goes right by their homes. I guess they care as long as it doesn't inconvenience them too much.

Made Purple Chicken or You sure can't choose your family.

I made Chicken with Red Wine and Tarragon for dinner last night at the request of Middle Daughter. She loves the meal and eating the leftovers too.

I made sure to chop the shallots and baby portobello mushrooms in large pieces since not everyone likes them and I wanted to make it easy to pick them out or eat around them.

We invited my Youngest Baby Sister and her Asshole Fiance to dinner. She helped decorate for Youngest Daughter's boy/girl Halloween party and I wanted to have her over as a way of saying thanks.

I had just finished all the prep work for making the dinner (chopping up the herbs, vegetables, and chicken) when they arrived. My sister made a comment about not liking mushrooms and I told her she could pick them out. She then commented about the fact that I was going to mix it all together. Her AF went right to the living room to watch the Patriots with a bottle of Octoberfest.

The chicken portion of dinner is served over pasta which is tossed with the fresh herbs too. They both dealt themselves healthy portions of the pasta. AF then spooned some of the sauce over the pasta and nothing else. YBS spooned a few pieces of chicken on top of it and then started to laugh because her AF was making faces.

Everyone else was loving it and complementing me on it. My benchmark is when Youngest Daughter likes something since she's our pickiest eater. Even she knew that the polite thing to do is to pick around what you don't like, cover it with a napkin, and then throw it away.

I was determined to say nothing until YBS says, "What made you think that was enough pasta?" I said back to her, "You're supposed to eat the chicken on top of the pasta, not make a meal of it."

I offered to make more pasta. I boiled two packages of the cheap macaroni from the mac & cheese box and served that to them. They took big portions of that again and that was their dinner.

Next time they're over I'll be serving hot dogs, mac & cheese, and the cheapest beer I can find...if there's a next time.