Last night PW sent me out of the house to enjoy myself doing some target practice at the local gun range. I got to the range and posted "I have the best wife, EVER!" to my Facebook status.
PW appreciated it and I got some positive comments and then I saw the post that Oldest Son made a minute after mine, "Had".
I know he still misses his mother but I think he is way out of line. The thing is, I don't even know what to say to him. He doesn't acknowledge PW as a person and has no interest in a relationship with his two step-brothers and one half-brother. He hates me for getting remarried and he poisoned the mind of his youngest sister with his opinions.
PW and YD were having a great start to their relationship until we needed OS to give her a ride home from NY because Next Oldest Son had chest pains and had to be admitted to the hospital. After that ride home she actively hated her step-mother and it ended up being because of what he had to say.
The sticking point then? The fact that PW was pregnant, a good five months after we were married. It wasn't planned but for some reason he thought I was being trapped and that PW was a gold-digger (nothing could be further from the truth) because I wasn't giving him money any time he asked for it.
OS knew a girl in high school that he always was good friends with during that time. She dated one of his good friends and so they were only ever friends. That good friend of his cheated on her so she ended up sleeping with and getting pregnant by another one of their mutual friends...nice, right?
That was a couple of years ago so now fast forward to a month ago. She was living in FL with her parents but came back to NH for a visit. She gets together with OS and suddenly I get an email from him asking for advice on how to get her an engagement ring. A few days later they're engaged and a couple of days after that he announces that she's pregnant with is baby.
Now if ever the circumstances were "sketch" it would be the ones I just described. However, PW and I were accused of being 'sketch' because she got pregnant five months into our marriage.
I don't get it but I don't know what to do other than ignore what he posted and limit any contact with him. I've tried talking to him and sending him emails but they've done nothing to change his opinion of me.
It hurts...I always did what I could to help him and I think he had a good life growing up in my home but now he hates us and only wants something to do with us if he needs to borrow money. That well has dried up for him so now all he has is hate.
The saddest thing is that his mother would be so sad and disappointed. She gave me a note just before she died and told me that she would send someone for me. She would have loved PW and I know she would approve of the life I have with her. She never would have treated her this way and knowing that OS is doing this would have broken her heart.
Posted by bbarton at October 1, 2009 11:15 AMWeird. I got an error message when I hit post and figured nothing did. Now I see it's a double comment. Sorry 'bout that. I'd delete the extra one if I could.
Posted by: Pam on October 26, 2009 08:41 PM
You made a choice and it wasn't what he wanted and in a "kid's" mind that sticks. Even when the "kid" isn't officially a kid anymore. Maybe subconsciously he is acting out what he thinks he saw you do. Maybe he misses the family he had and wants to make up for that by starting his own.
Posted by: Pamela Ikegami on October 24, 2009 11:50 PMWe go through adult life making the choices we feel are best for us, but not everyone always agrees. Maybe in a few years he will come around. Probably all you can do is make the sure the door is still open when he does.