I've found that I can get used to almost anything. I'm sure that this isn't just a special thing about me, though who can deny my specialness, but something that is universal.
One thing that I'd gotten used to was closing off my feelings. When BW was diagnosed with cancer I had to quickly build some walls because I needed to be there for her. I was surrounded by people that would have spun off into panic and/or despair if I wasn't there providing the voice of calm and reason. BW needed that stability and needed to know that she could have those moments but that I would be there as an anchor back to reality for her.
I lost myself in research, schedules, appointments, prescriptions, and updates to family and friends. I cleaned the house maniacally, worked when everyone else was asleep, and slept only a few hours each night to make it all happen.
And I got used to it.
Mary died.
And suddenly I found grief had joined me behind the walls. It was there before but suddenly it was full blown and let me tell you, it was pretty crowded in there. Grief came in, ate all the snacks, drank all the wine, and then loudly dominated all the conversations.
And I got used to it.
Then, I met Pretty Widow Friend. She's pretty, sweet, nice and she also understands what it is like to lose someone. We laugh together, enjoy being in each other's company, and I feel happier than I have in a long time.
I can get used to this.
Posted by bbarton at January 26, 2007 09:18 AMHeather Anne - Thanks! And, by the way, it isn't just you that the number key hates...I sometimes get locked out of my own blog because of it! And I know, KNOW, that I'm typing the number correctly.
Posted by: Bob on January 26, 2007 09:51 AMBeautiful post. After all you've been through, it sounds like you deserve to be happy.
Jenn - Thanks for stopping by and for your nice comment.
Posted by: Bob on January 26, 2007 10:01 AM*raises hand*
Number key hates me as well!!
Beautiful post :)
Posted by: ibeejd on January 26, 2007 02:30 PMThat was a beautiful post.. does PWF read your blog??
Posted by: xianfern on January 26, 2007 06:40 PMibeejd - At least we're all getting hated equally!
Xianfern - Thanks and yes, PWGF reads my blog. :)
Posted by: Bob on January 29, 2007 11:18 AMThe number key may hate all of us, but it hates the spammers more, and that's what counts.
Posted by: David on January 30, 2007 12:00 AM
Bob, that's wonderful. And awfully sweet.
P.S. Your number key HATES my guts.
Posted by: heather anne on January 26, 2007 09:45 AM