Grief does funny things to people. Like any strong emotion it brings out the best and the worst in who you are as a person.
It has the power to transform a positive person, that used to have a love for life, into a bitter and hating person. It can also take that formerly negative soul and leave behind one that is filled with kindness and compassion.
And then there are the ones that feel obligated to control and direct another person's grief. They have become experts at their grief and want to 'share' that with you because...well, now that is their mission in life. To make others 'twice as fit for hell' as they are, to purloin a line from Godspel.
I decided, back in March when Mary died, that I was going to live and not merely exist. It is an active decision because it is too easy to drop into apathy and decide that it would be easier to just stay in bed.
In the widow(er) community we refer to a certain group of people as DGIs (Don't Get It). They're the ones that tell you that you things that show just how clueless they are regarding the loss of a spouse and the grieving process. They'll do things like compare your spouses death to their divorce, or the death of a pet. They'll tell you that you need to wait two years or ask why you're aren't 'out there dating' after two weeks. They just don't get it.
Unfortunately, that class of people exists in the widow community too. They have created a set of rules for themselves and gauge your worthiness for compassion and support by whether you uphold the same grieving standards. And, boy, will they ever let you know if you don't.
Posted by bbarton at January 18, 2007 10:21 AM