6 Kids, 3 cats, 1 dog, Mom, and Dad

Sing a song or Music saves your mortal soul.

I miss Mary a lot.

Music tends to break down my emotional barriers and helps me get some of that grief that's bottled up inside out of me. But, sometimes, I really don't feel like grieving.

I'm just not one of those people...ya know, public grievers. I don't cry, wail, scream, yell, or do much of anything in public that shows how this grief is affecting me.

It is private. I would no more run out of the house and yell to the neighborhood that Mary and I just had great sex than yell out my grief that she's gone. I do share my feelings of loss with my kids, but even then I don't burden them with the care of whether daddy is losing it or not.

And I think that ultimately it sets me up for crap like some of the stuff I've seen and heard from family members. If I'm not publicly showing it then my grieving time must be up and so they don't have to be caring and sensitive to how I'm feeling.

Not only is sackcloth and ashes not my gig, but I know that Mary would be shaking her head and saying "Oh, Bob" if she saw me grieving that way.