6 Kids, 3 cats, 1 dog, Mom, and Dad

I try and I try or Mr. Sensitive.

Last week my sister sent an 'update' to her immediate family in an email. She sent out a medical update because her new puppy was having a bad reaction after being neutered.

She wrote about IVs, subcutaneous injections, and all the different procedures that were part of his treatment.

Now, don't get me wrong...I like dogs and especially like puppies. I smile, pat them on the head, hold them, and even understand when they jump up on me with muddy paws.

However, I started sending email updates about all of Mary's medical appointments and procedures because I knew everyone wanted to know what was going on but I didn't have the heart to call them individually.

I think that it was incredibly insensitive for her to do that and after thinking about it for a few minutes I sent back an email and asked her to not send me those updates any more because they upset me.

I didn't tell her that she was awful, didn't get angry to accusatory, I just made it clear that it was me that had the problem and please don't include me any more.

Her reply was perfunctory, "sorry I was insensitive", and I figured that was the end of it.

I was talking to my mom today and when she asked how me and the girls were doing I mentioned that I had avoided support groups because I had heard horror stories about people being in there because they lost a pet or their sail boat (I kid you not) and I wasn't up for being surrounded by people that don't get it.

As an off-shoot I mentioned to her that I hoped my sister wasn't too upset or offended because I asked her to not send me the emails any more.

Her reply...

"Well, she's never going to have children so this is like her child."

Nothing about how hard it must have been for me, nothing about how insensitive it was of her, just that look and tone of voice saying that I'm being too sensitive and not only should I not have been upset, I should have been worrying about how she felt since her first child was sick.

I voiced my protest saying that "I started those updates for Mary because she had CANCER" but it was obvious that it was a battle I wouldn't win so I clammed up.

And that, my friends, is your key to knowing if I'm really upset or not. If you get me to the point that I stop talking...I'm REALLY upset.

I think she could tell, but making sure my sister (who's really more her friend than daughter) had support for her and her 'child' was more important than supporting her son that lost his wife.

I'll get over it eventually, but I'm pretty upset right now.

Posted by bbarton at November 19, 2006 06:54 PM