I was supposed to have an MRI this morning. It was at the same hospital that Mary had all of her surgeries, chemo, and radiation. They have two machines and I ended up scheduled on the one that is outside in a trailer that sits on a concrete slab. It is the same one that Mary had her last CT scan in before finding out that she was terminal the next day.
I remember getting her a wheel-chair because she was too weak to walk into the hospital. I went with her down to the changing room and waited for them to come get me after it was done.
When they came to get me I found Mary sitting in her wheel chair getting sick from the pain and exhaustion of laying down and then having to get back up again. There is nothing more heart-breaking than to watch someone get sick when they barely have the energy to sit.
All this came back to me as they led me to the trailer and when I got inside I told them that I didn't think I could do it. I tried to and was ok until they put me in the machine and I had to close my eyes. The image of Mary in the wheel -chair came flooding back and I had to stop before they even started.
I will have to do this but will request a day when I can be on the inside machine and I think I'll ask for some Valium too.
I've been having problems with my right shoulder. They're sure that I have some arthritis and cartilage type damage but want to rule out any problems with the rotator cuff before they do the surgery in late October.
Posted by bbarton at August 30, 2006 08:52 AMChristine - Thanks for taking the time to write and your support. The blog world is a special place just because of connections like these.
Posted by: Bob on August 30, 2006 10:17 PMIt might be a "simple" procedure, but it's completely understandable about how hard it was to be there. The memories and feelings that this MRI brought on, were so intense. My thoughts are with you. I can't imagine.
Posted by: Leigh on September 5, 2006 01:19 PM
I just happened to find you after recently doing a search of NH blogs. After reading your last two entries, I feel compelled to write. I want you to know, for what it's worth, that someone is listening to you as you express your pain and loss. No one can take away your sadness, but we can support one another as we face the truth of our lives. It's the hidden miracle of blogging that allows us to do this for a complete stranger - truly a unique connection!
Posted by: Christine on August 30, 2006 10:10 PM