I was reading a pamphlet called "Going On...A Pathway Through Sorrow" by Jane Woods Shoemaker that was sent to me by the insurance company.
She speaks about the feelings of aloneness for the recently widowed no matter how attentive friends and family are, whether you have children at home or not, or how busy you keep yourself.
She writes:
You feel lost, and in a way, you are. What direction do you take now that you have lost the witness to your life, and one of your most significant roles, that of being a husband or wife?
This is exactly how I've been feeling. We had a plan that extended into the future with the assumption that we'd both see our kids grow up and start their lives, travel together to all the places we always wanted to go and some day, when we were 'old', one of us would die and the other wouldn't be far behind.
Now, I don't know what to do. Oh, I know that my kids need me and that I'll be filling the role of daddy and mommy for them. I know that I have friends and family that love me and will be there for me too. Still...I've spent more than half of my life with Mary and my mind isn't able to conceive yet a future without her.
Posted by bbarton at March 13, 2006 03:48 PMI hope you don't find this inappropriate....but you may or may not know that I volunteer at Seacoast Hospice. I facilitate grief support groups for teens and young adults, but do know that they have many support groups for adults. They even have an ongoing support group for widow/widowers...if you ever want a contact name or phone number I'm here...just thought I would put that out there. When my Dad died I attended a support group there and it made all the difference for me....
Thinking of you and your family!
Posted by: Contagious on March 13, 2006 05:16 PMBob~This is so sudden. Give yourself some time. It never goes away completely but it does get much easier. Hugs!
Posted by: kari on March 13, 2006 05:59 PMIt must be so hard trying to make sense of things right now – I found quite a bit of comfort in the bereavement leaflets and also poetry and music when I lost a very close loved one – Like Caroline says, you need time, take every day as it comes and don’t worry about not being able to cope – you have just lost the most precious woman in your life, don’t expect to stay on top of your feelings.
Take care
Bob - I've been thinking of you so much. My dad was left prematurely in just the same way; with one son and three daughters. He too had planned to travel etc with my mum. He too was totally lost. But slowly he recovered; married again even; etc etc. Without ever forgetting or ceasing to grieve deep down for my mum; but the grief just became part of him; a dark thread in a warm cloth. He was buried besides her two years ago; what he'd always wanted.
BUT it all took time. Love yourself, let it happen slowly, your kids will love you as you love them. We even had a good time together as a family, even without my mum. Yes it's heartbreaking. I cry for my mother still. Yet yet yet. In the end dear Bob, you will come through. Partly because Mary was so wonderful; because the memories are good. Meantime, in the dark time, this sends love and hugs.
i know it's going to be rough for a while...I'm so sorry, bob.
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) on March 14, 2006 08:36 PMIt's still fresh- give it time.
Not saying that in time you'll "get over" her death- you never will fully.
Right now though you have practical things to do- make sure the kids are cleaned and fed. Your guys' new life is off schedule now but in time you'll find your way.
My condolences. I have no experience that compares, no wisdom to share. But I extend prayers and condolences to you and your family. Take care of those kids.
Posted by: Ernesto on March 15, 2006 09:39 PM
Bob. Still no words. I have been thinking about you every day. I couldn't post again without mentioning you but I didn't link in case you thought it inappropriate.
Posted by: Caroline on March 13, 2006 04:51 PMIt's time, time, time. No bloody help now though.
All my very best to you and yours.